Feeling overwhelmed and confused, I decided to see a therapist, in order to help deal with my divorce.  After arriving at his office, sitting in his waiting room, walking into his office, I finally slumped down into a brown leather couch.  It was a corner office on the fifth floor of a corporate building where people were busy with their everyday lives, and I was about to reveal something extremely vulnerable.  Looking around, I remember being impressed with the view, but at the same time, terrified by this new experience I was about

I was recently asked to monetize and digitize reasons for men to come to a divorce support group.  I was told that men in America would come if I had the productivity numbers to prove the group’s efficiency.  A was a little thrown off by the request, but I went to Google anyway and found out some interesting answers.  I found that divorce is a $28 billion dollar annual industry with the average cost of an individual divorce ranging between $15,000 and $30,000.  Most of that is calculated through the attorney fees and costs relative to the process of getting divorced.  When you add up the co

On wedding days, most people announce to each other and make the promise,  “…for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows”.  These words can be easily said, but when the time comes, are you in a relationship where you and your spouse are advocates or adversaries?  To figure this out let’s explore an example of what this really means. 

The “No Complaint” Generation. Most know them as the “Greatest Generation”.

At lunch the other day, an elderly woman (we will call her S.T., as she is the original Story Teller), came into the restaurant where I was eating; S.T. was eager to share her story and did not wait for others to ask “how are you”?  S.T. was meeting a couple of friends, and S.T. could not even wait to sit down at the table, before sharing the big news in her life. 

Growing up, I noticed that people in my community would watch the relatives of the deceased, noticing if they did or did not cry; and passed judgment on that behavior.  For example, if a widow did not cry while her husband was eulogized and laid to rest, people would quietly whisper to each other “She is being very strong”.  

WHY?  Why do we do this to ourselves?

In all of the research regarding this topic, it boiled down to this:  Alone is a state of being and loneliness is a state of mind. 

A colleague referred me to René Brown’s Ted Talk.  She is an inspiring researcher that not only found ways to help all of us watching, but also herself.  Here are some of the highlights of her talk:

·      Connection is what gives purpose and meaning to life

·      Shame is the fear of disconnection

·      Do you believe you are worthy or belonging, being loved, being connected, to be imperfect?

·      Do you have the compassion to be kind to your self first… then to others

There is no way around dealing with life events.  Some are easy to process, others are difficult, and some are traumatic.  No matter what the event, we use learned coping skills to be able to move forward.  There are many people, especially men, who have decided that “Toughing it Out” is their way of coping, rather than “Talking it Out”.  But, what are the consequences?

In recent weeks I have overheard this conversation multiple times

Friend 1:  Wow, I am so overwhelmed

Friend 2:  Have you thought about seeking help?

Friend 1:  What do you mean?

Friend 2:  You know, go see a therapist

Friend 1:  I AM NOT CRAZY!

The implication here is that only crazy people need counseling, when in reality you are crazy for NOT going to counseling.