Newsletter

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
2 + 1 =
Solve this simple math problem and enter the result. E.g. for 1+3, enter 4.
Learning on the Log

Where Social Skills Means Building Relationships

INDIVIDUAL AND FAMILY THERAPY

 

www.ArmannFenger.com

 

For more information about

individual or family therapy,

take a look at my new website

 

 

SUMMER CAMP


NO SUMMER CAMP IN 2024
 

HELP US WITH A DONATION

 

Please donate,

to provide therapy scholarships

for families who need help

 

 

Over Exaggeration will not win the fight

Thu, 12/15/2016 - 12:01 | Armann

“Lovers fight when they believe their partners don't care about how they feel. They fight about the pain of disconnection.”  Dr. Steven Stosny. 

When we feel disconnected, it is vitally important to relive that pain and become connected again.  A huge, and common, mistake couples make while fighting is over exaggerating statements in order to make a point.  For example, how many times have you heard, “You never do this” or “You always do that”.

The reason this is a mistake is because of the defensiveness it causes the other person to feel.  Even if one person has a tendency of doing something, he or she does not “always” do it, and that causes them to feel unfairly accused.  The result is, instead of relieving the pain and becoming more connected, these statements escalate the fight therefore enhancing the pain and disconnection.

There is no such thing as a couple that does not fight.  So, the next time you are in a fight with your significant other, remember that you are fighting to get reconnected again.  Your words can either help or hurt that process.